Derby watching

What a race!

Ever since Barbaro and even before that, it's become too hard to watch the ponies.

So yesterday, I had one eye on my reading material and the other on the TV at the gym. Mostly I pretended to read while keeping an eye on the woman one bike over who was clearly wrapt in the race. When she started hooting and hollering, I had to look and saw the amazing Mine That Bird come from back, WAAAAAAY back, along the rail to take it by a mile.

Then the wonderfully crazy Calvin Borel took his victory lap in some of the best television in a long time. Borel sure knows how to seize the moment The parade led to some world-shaking questions back at the gym. Like:

1: Where were his teeth?

2: Did he take his teeth out to make weight?

3: Did he take his teeth out to minimize injury?

4: If he was toothless to start, would he use his winnings to buy teeth?

whatever the case, he is one charismatic rider. And the aerial view of his winning surge was amazing, and nearly a carbon copy of the "rail sanding" push he made two years ago to win the Derby.

Best of all about this Derby, nobody died.

Why we love Anthony Lane

He is the snarkiest of film critics and the one people run to read. (Face it, no one cares what David Denby, the anti-snark crusader, has to say.)

Examples of Lane at his best: From his February 2, review of Liam Neeson's thriller "Taken":

If "there’s one thing we’ve learned from “24” it’s that anybody named Kim, with a father schooled in dirty work by the U.S. government, will have a large echo chamber where her brain is meant to be. Kim and a friend leave for a vacation in Europe, where, ignoring the advice of her father, they are abducted with such consummate speed that it might have been simpler if he had FedExed them directly to the kidnappers. Pausing only to borrow a private jet from his ex’s slimy husband, Mills flies to Paris, where he proceeds to work his way, without mercy, through a personal alphabet of undesirable aliens. This being a brisk affair, of little more than ninety minutes, he gets only as far as Albanians and Arabs, but, if I were an innocent Bermudan, let alone a Belgian, I would be starting to get nervous about a sequel.

Snark personified. Plus real value add.

Lane's review of the Star Wars sequel/prequel/ whatever was priceless.

Wanna survive the recession? Bet on booze

This weekend's Wall Street Journal had a great analysis of stock performance from the Great Depression onward. What stocks did comparatively well in the cauldron of the late '20s and early '30s? Not many.

Money quote:

"The only clear winner: cheap vices. Among the sectors with positive returns were cigarettes, cigars and tobacco, sugar and confectionery products, and fats and oils, which each gained between 1.6% and 7.5% annually."

So if fattening, carcinogenic vices were good bets in the Prohibition era, here's betting booze is the best bet now.

You don't have to tell me twice: But not sure Maker's Mark is publicly held.

Charter Cable: Fool me twice, shame on me

So the memory of the last run in with Charter Cable faded enough for me to try again to set up broadband access at a secondary residence.

Note to the world: Never, ever, involve yourself with Charter Cable if there is any alternative. And I mean any. Starbucks usurious broadband fees look positively welcoming in comparison..

This time the issue was much the same as last. Call into customer service—a term Charter takes very lightly. Set up another appointment to install broadband internet access. Withstand a barrage of upselling/cross selling attempts. Do we want 256 digital stereo music channels? Sorry no. Just broadband. I set myself up as an authorized user on the account, complete with pin number and all sorts of legalities involving verbal agreement with the account holder who was on the horn with me and Charter lady. Check, check, check

Set up the appointment for the holidays.

Last night, sensing a need to reconfirm, Call into "customer service" to check the work order and the charges we had discussed. Once again, after long waits, the rep has no record of my account holder status. No record of what the charges would be. Nothing. In what I suspected would be a futile attempt to fix the situation, I ask for the supervisor. She was surly right off the bat. I try to cancel the installation. No can do! Have to talk to someone else for that.


Take the night off to cool down. Call into Charter this morning. Navigate moronic voice mail system. Get into automated appointment queue. Turns out there is a way to confirm an appointment automatically but to cancel, you have to talk to a CSR—you got it—the dread "Customer service rep. More hold time.

This person tells me I need to talk to yet another person. I do so. Appointment is allegedly canceled.

Here's betting that the install guy shows up anyway.

Trains, planes & (hybrid) automobiles

The spectacle of Detroit's Big Three auto execs road-tripping from Detroit to D.C. in their respective hybrids is too rich.

Ford's Alan Mulally, choking on his quote about his own $21-million-plus salary being "okay" where it is, was the first to try to wring lemonade out of lemons. He would make the supreme sacrifice of driving the return trek to D.C. in a Ford Escape hybrid. Quite a come down from the (separate) private jets he and his GM and Chrysler comrades used last time out.

Then Chrysler and GM CEOs were shamed into following suit. Good God men! If you're going to abase yourselves--and well you should after the stunt you pulled you've done--why not go all out? Carpooling is the only way to go. Oh, i know the negotiations over who's crappy hybrid to take would be endless. My suggestion? Prius. That would be some penance.

A friend and I were jawing over who could star in this high-concept comedy: Little Petey suggested Clint Eastwood for one of the CEOs. Hmmm. Must think on that. Frank Langella? Check. We were unanimous on Fred Willard as the third. Rule of thumb: Cast Fred Willard in anything. And everything.

Backup to Clint, if he's too stern: Martin Mull. See above rule. It applies to Mull too.


Related question: When can we officially stop referring to Ford, Chrysler, and GM as the Big Three?

Itty bitty GOP

David Frum's article in the NYT maggie foretold a lot of what happened Tuesday. And hopefully the trend will continue.

The fact that the McCain operatives (or perhaps even other Republicans) have the long knives out for Sarah Palin may mean that the party will broaden beyond the right wingers that hold it hostage. Or, more likely, the party will blame McCain for being not conservative enough, and continue their nutty rush to the bottom.

Another Repub for Obama

Heard Bill Weld, former Republican governor of our fair state, on the radio today endorsing Obama. It was a great Weldian quote, reminiscent of how truly likable he was before he got all weird: Running for another term, winning it, only to apply immediately for another gig, divorcing his world-class wife for what appeared to be a twinkie. You know. The usual.

Today's money quote: "I've had about as much fun with Republican orthodoxy as I can stand."

This was the same Weld who jumped into the not-very-clean-yet Charles to prove how clean it was. Forcing other, less charismatic and fun pols to follow suit, much to their chagrin. The one who used to declare his unambiguous affection for strong, amber liquids.

What a guy.

It makes you long for FOX

So TBS has managed to not air the first half hour of the Red Sox-Devil Rays game. Geez, good thing it's not important.

This is why post-season baseball should be on a real network. Maybe even (yipes!) FOX!

The reason: The hamsters on the wheel in Atlanta were on strike.

Good thing WRKO was online.


And yes, they're still the Devil Rays to some.

Levi Stubbs

Levi Stubbs has passed away at 72.

The Four Tops were the best of Motown. That group even made the words "Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch" sound really good.

A triple threat (to the ladies)

One fact stuck out from this labored report about South African leadership.
Jacob Zuma, the head of the African National Congress, is "a polygamist, widower and divorcee."

Oh, and he's been charged with rape.

Like a match to kerosene

How is it that our president (even the phrase "our president" brings shudders) manages to make matters worse when he reassures us? Everything this guy does is like a match to kerosene. So maybe he should just stop. Everything. Now.

He must be grading on a curve

CNN helpfully posted a report card after the vice presidential debates. Five pundits, some recognizable, did the grading. Some were partisan--is it really fair to have Paul Begala weighing in? That is SOOOO neutral. Of the five graders, only one, David Gergen, gave both Biden and Palin an A.

Way to keep your future career options open, Dave.

Cubs b-ball

Love to watch NL ball, which I don't do often.

Man, this Zambrano guy's gonna blow. It's like you can hear the tick,tick,tick as this rocky 2nd inning continues.

And guess who's on deck? Manny Ramirez, who appears to have remembered how to run out hits since moving to LA.

For the love of all things holy, please SHUT UP

Man, is it possible that the TBS baseball commentators are worse than the FOX doofuses? It can't be, but this guy Buck Martinez is setting verbal spew records.

Just because it can be said, doesn't mean it should be said. Ah, right, the mute button!

RIP

RIP.

Who's on first? Or why we love Jerry Remy.

A snippet from the on-air commentary from tonight's Red Sox game.

Don Orsillo: I think the Bruins are playing the Redwings tonight.

Jerry Remy: Oh. Are they on NESN?

Don Orsillo: No. We're on NESN.

The last game

The whole last-game-at-Yankee-Stadium thing got me. The ESPN lovefest continues apace. How can anyone not enjoy seeing Whitey Ford (who looks fantastic) and Yogi Berra (who just is fantastic) on the telly and watch them chewing the fat w/ Joe Morgan and Jon Miller? (Admittedly, most of this was pantomime –the hotel bar turned up the sound for the Green Bay-Cowboys game but not for the end of a baseball era. So be it.)

Still, as a Red Sox fan who can't quite hate Johnny Damon even after his move south, it was a thrill to see him hit what might have been the last home run in the old yard. (Very short term: It lasted till Molina's next at bat.)

Back to the room and a TV with audible audio. Wait, maybe it's better without sound. Jon Miller, normally the best on air baseball guy-- mentioned how some people refer to Jason Giambi as "the Giambino." Ack. He CANNOT be SERIOUS!

OTOH, it was a pleasure to hear Reggie Jackson in the booth. The guy may rub many the wrong way, but he's no dope. He got in a gentle tussle with Joe Morgan who said Reggie deserved his own penthouse in the Yankee hall of fame. Reggie maintained that a special space should also be reserved for Paul O'Neill, scott Brosius, and several other former Yanks

Said Reggie: "I'll be the first one to say how great I was but for me to succeed in the post season" it was because of the Dick Greens, Catfish Hunters, Bert Campanerises, Craig Nettles and Bucky Dents of the world.

He again cited Brosius and Paul O'Neill as great teammates who had great character—things that don't always show up in stats.

And, in his opinion, Mariano Rivera ranks as one of the top five Yankees ever. He also mentioned Ruth, Gehrig, Mantle, Dimaggio. Did he leave himself off the list? Got a phone call so don't know.

Some of the footage was precious. Don Larson (Don LARSON!) scooping up dirt from the mound while Whitey looked on. Players acting like kids at the end, jumping to get into group shots.

The place was lousy with celebs. What would a Yankees game be without yet another superfluous view of Rudy G's white-and-sour mug? Richard Gere and Spike Lee. Matthew Modine??? Oh, and Bernie Williams.

Conspicuous by his absence was the disgraced Roger Clemens. Was he ever mentioned on air? Guessing not.

I grew up going to both New York parks with my dad. The Press Only sign posted off one ramp at Yankee Stadium piqued a life-long ambitioun to see what went on in such places. And now both buildings will be gone. It really is much sadder than expected

Someone had to say it...

And someone finally did.


The Tim Russert post mortems were way, way, WAY over the top. Thank God for old crabs like Lewis Latham

Any reporter who gets a state funeral was most assuredly not doing everything right. And nice to see, in an era of mass layoffs among professional journalists that Russert's kid get a plum job .... based on what exactly??

Best comment on Gawker:

"Lapham's right. The two people who must show up at a reporter's funeral are his bartender and the guy he pissed off the least at work. More than that and you wonder if he was doing his job. Can you imagine the state funeral that Larry King will get?"

Manny season

Is Manny an idiot savant or the anti-christ?

Say what you will about Manny Ramirez--and it's all been said--the man can sum it up. Commenting on the latest scuffle with Red Sox management, Ramirez said: "They're tired of me, I'm tired of them."

Everyone was screaming for Manny's dreadlocked head until he went three-for-five, bashing a couple of doubles against the Yanks (oh, and ran through a stop sign to score). Then the crowd was in his pocket again.

Face it, this happens like clockwork every year. The sun rises, the sun sets, and Manny decides he wants to leave Boston. Then he goes on a tear.

Unbifurcated male garments

This mailman wants to wear a kilt, er, make that an unbifurcated male garment(aka MUG). So what's the problem?